A Guardian Angel
by Sofie
Summary: Rent-fic, wherein Angel is dead, but not gone...


A GUARDIAN ANGEL ****

A GUARDIAN ANGEL

Can't leave them alone for ten minutes, can I? I mean, they buried me just a moment ago, and already they're at each other's throats. Typical. I don't know how they survived before they met me. Children! I bet they wouldn't act like this if they knew I could still see them. I wish they knew where I am. I wish _I_ knew where I am. I'm not in heaven, I can tell you that much. At least I hope I'm not in heaven. I've got no wings, no long white night-gown, no halo, not even a harp. And I was really looking forward to that part. I think I'd be good at playing the harp. So, if this is heaven, heaven is highly over-rated. It reminds me more of a hospital. Everything is sterile, it seems. I've never liked hospitals. They were always so cold. Well, at least it's not cold here. It's not hot either, so I doubt I'm in hell. There are none of those cute little devils with horns and tritons running around. My parents got me a devil costume for Halloween once, when I was a kid. My sister got a pink frilly princess dress. We dressed at home, and then we ran out, around the next corner and changed costumes with each other. 

Anyway. I'm not in heaven, I'm not in hell. I guess I'm in the middle of nowhere. No a very exciting place. I'm floating around on something that looks and feels like a cross between a cloud and a rag-mat. There are other people here, but they're too far away, I can't even shout at them. 

I haven't lost contact with earth. If I look down, I can still see my friends, now and then. It's like looking through a slightly dirty window. That's how I know they're fighting. It's hard to hear them, though. I think I'm only hearing what I'm supposed to hear, and seeing what I'm supposed to see. I've tried seeing other people, but whoever rules this place wouldn't let me get a peek into Queen Elizabeth's bathroom. Spoilsport! I thought after-life would be more fun than this.

"How could we lose Angel?"

"Maybe you'll see why when you stop escaping your pain. At least now if you try, Angel's death won't be in vain."

"His death is in vain!"

Ouch! That hurt, Roger. Mark is standing up for me. Great, now they're fighting about me. 

Why couldn't they just have let me into heaven? I've been a good person, I deserve it. Well. There is this one thing, I guess. Have you heard that song, You'll Never Get To Heaven If You Break My Heart? Maybe that's why. I guess I did break Collins' heart. But it's not like I meant to do it! I didn't want to leave him. I didn't choose to die! I didn't get to choose at all. Great, I'm gonna start crying now. Couldn't they at least have given me a harp? Is that too much to ask?

Woah. What happened down there? Did I fall asleep or something? Wasn't it Halloween just a minute ago? Then why is it Christmas now? Guess time passes differently up here. Why am I not surprised? I'm really starting do dislike this place. Everything is wrong here.

Collins, Mark and Roger in the loft, together on Christmas Eve. Only a year ago I was there with them. "How could a night so frozen be so scolding hot?" I heard Mark ask himself before. I don't know. All I know is that that night changed my life, and made my last ten months on earth happier than I had ever dreamt about. All thanks to Collins. Fuck, I'm crying again. I can't look at them. It hurts too much. I bet it wouldn't be like this if I were in heaven. In heaven everyone's happy all the time, right? This is torture! Being so close to him and not being able to talk to him, to touch him, to let him know that I'm still with him. To tell him how much I love him. I hate this! Why are they doing this to me? Why won't they let me be happy? 

"Angel?"

Oh. Yeah, that was the only thing missing. I'm starting to hear voices. I've lost it completely now. 

"Angel, is that you?"

What the… Oh dear God!

"Mimi?"

"Angel! It is you! You look great."

"You look awful."

"Yeah, I know. I messed up again…"

"Mimi, darling. Oh no, not you, not yet."

"What are you talking about?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh. I guess I'm dying. Funny, I thought it would hurt more. Is this heaven?"

"I don't think so, honey. I don't know what it is. But you're not supposed to be here, you can't."

"Why not?"

"They can't loose you too, sweetie. You have to turn around. They would be helpless without the both of us. They're managing poorly enough without just me."

"But what about you, Angel? Aren't you lonely here?"

"How'd I let you slip away when I'm longing so to hold you. Now I'd die for one more day, 'cause there's something I should have told you."

"You hear that? Roger needs you more than I do. I'll be fine. Turn around, girlfriend, and listen to that boy's song."

"I guess you're right. You always were. We love you so much, Angel. We miss you so much."

"I miss you too. Now go! We'll see each other again. Eventually."

She's gone. Oh, look at that. Happy reunion on earth. I did the right thing, I know. But some company up here would've been nice. Guess I'm back too…

Whoa!

Holy… It's like looking straight at the sun! Talk about stairway to heaven! This must be the real thing. Finally! Bye, I have to go. Somewhere up there, there's a harp just waiting for me! 

The very, very, very end.


End file.
